At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
