And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
