I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
