Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
