Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
