party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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