I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
