someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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