Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am midnight drunk by noon
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
