He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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