We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
