I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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