I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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