What a fucking waste of an outfit
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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