i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
