I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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