decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
