let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
