Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
