No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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