his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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