PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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