STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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