Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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