fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
