hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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