Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
