if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I cannot find my penis.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
