He asked to "fluff my boner.."
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
