R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
