Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
