Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
