It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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