Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
