Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
