Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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