We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
