i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
