I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
