i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize