And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
