i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize