I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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