Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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