There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize