i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do vagina's smell?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
