And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
