Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
