Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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