I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
