He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
