Yo dont text me then not text me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
