no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
