true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
