When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
