My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
