every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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