why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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