Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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