Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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