I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
