wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
FUCK WHALES
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
