I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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