I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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