I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How naked do you want me to be?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
