Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
