So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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