just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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