I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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