Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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