Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
