New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
