just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
