I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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