The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
