just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
