I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
