He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
